Being Izzie is not easy. The constant optimism saps away all your energies and sucks away no pain like it should. Furthermore, the need to believe that things are always headed towards being fantastic takes you away from reality. Believing that all things and people are in some minute way just about gorgeous is not right, is it? Because things don't have emotions and people? Well, people are just people.
The thing about living is that you tend to make mistakes. That's a risk you always take. Making mistakes is fine. Then comes the part where your mistakes are dragged to be shown to the world. You are judged, your work is judged, in fact your whole existence is judged. That is fine as well. Because people are people and that is what they do. The actual solutions to overcoming such disastrous mistakes start to fade away not when others judge you but when you start to judge yourself. That is the time when being Izzie truly keeps you from breathing.
Judging yourself is relentless and it doesn't have an out. It's worrying and battering to all the possible brain cells in your head. What do you do when you can't even answer the questions you put out yourself? Do you keep waiting for positivity to envelope you and take you to a happier place?
The thing about being Izzie is that you can't stop yourself. You can't stop thinking and re-thinking and hoping and believing. You can't stop from keeping yourself out of trouble. You can't not judge yourself. Being Izzie is being skeptical about yourself on each step that you take, because you keep expecting and hoping for something better than what you have been dealt.
But, being Izzie also means smiling through the pain and judgement. That is just being Izzie.
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