जो बीत गई सो बात गई

Meredith had once said, "Maybe you have to mess up before you can step up".

Recently it seems, mess is all that I am creating. I am confused. Confused like I have never been before. I am sad and constantly unhappy. I am hardly yellow. I have been giving myself a hard time. And L too. I'm not proud of it and sorry as I am, I don't even think I can make it any easier. It is at times like these that I start questioning everything around me. I am questioning myself and my beliefs, my faith and my trust. I am questioning everything that can be put under questioning.

I am worried that I might mess up too much. I am worried I'm losing too much of myself everyday. What if there is no returning from the mess I'm creating? How much mess would be too much mess? Would I eventually have to force myself to normalcy? Would force be considered normal in the first place?

Oh! I just don't know. I'm that confused.